Today my mom has been gone from me for 25 years now... I miss her so much, and can't wait to see her again... I wrote this 21 years ago.
ONE LAST GIFT......
I sit in the rocking chair I’ve had since my son (who heads to high school this year) stirred inside of me. I’m thinking about the similarity between the moments of birth and the moments of death.
Since the early eighties my work as a midwife has blessed me with being in the presents of over 175 different births, all unique in their own way, all individual experiences, and stories, all never before, never again little human beings entering into our world. Yet I’ve noticed, in all there differences they share a common thread. One I’ve heard hundreds and hundreds of times from other people who have been at a birth with a loved one, one which at times can be so powerful my body shakes trying to vent what my mind and soul are trying to comprehend. I can only describe that thread as being in the presence of pure love, the presence of God. At everybirth I’ve ever had the privilege to be at, that energy was there.
From birth to death, HUH ? If a question on a test asked for the opposite of birth, I would write death, wouldn’t you ? How can opposites have anything in common?
Four years ago I sat beside my mom as she lay on her death bed. I knew it would only be a matter of days before she would be leaving me. I spent what time I had left with her as productive as I could think of, I talked to her constantly, I recalled our life together, how she took such great care of me when I fractured my back at age 12, how much I love her and was so thankful that she was my mom, what a great cook she was, how we took care of each other when dad had a massive stroke, and how much I was going to miss her in my life. Even though she never spoke to me I know she heard me and was happy I was there. At 3:15 am her breathing slowed to 2 breaths a minute, and I knew she was dying. I was beside her, the room was dark and still, she opened her eyes (something she hadn’t done in days) I asked her “mom can you see a light?” she shook her head yes, “does the light feel good?” yes! I asked her to close her eyes and go be with the light, and then BANG!!!! I realized that I recognized this energy in the room, my mom didn’t take another breath, she was gone from me, and I was left with this energy I clearly knew as the entity that I’ve felt at all those births.
My mind, soul and heart struggled to absorb the beauty in the knowledge of this, birth and death are the same, not opposites. An entrance of a totally unique individual, into a new existence. Accompanied, guided by, and very important to our Lord.
What a beautiful and soul resting discovery, what a great last gift from my mom , to have been the mother that she was, allowed me to deeply love her, thus allowing me to feel totally her transition from earth to the presence of God.
I sit here now wondering if my mom knows of the last great blessing she has bestowed on me, and somehow my soul smiles and assures me she does.
Lisa C., CPM